Your Child With Autism: Life as an Adult & Planning Ahead

The colors of my life as a young boy web

The Colors of My Life as a Young Boy   

Happy days are represented by yellow and green for the calm of doing nothing. Blue for the knowledge my mom gave me. Truly my mom gave me hope represented by white. Truly my mom was the first one who saved me from despair represented by little strokes of red. Greatly my life was mostly pleasant  represented by the color of nice light orange. Gold from above is helping. Greatly my life is better now. – words and painting by Jeremy Sicile-Kira

Thinking about when your child ages out of school services is pretty scary for most parents of teenagers with autism.  The reality is that parents can create a successful future for their child.  But it doesn’t just happen overnight – it’s about having a plan and using the IEP process.

If there is anything I’ve learned as a parent of a child with autism, it’s that you can’t just leave it up to the system – school or adult services –  to figure it out. You have to be involved.  It’s important for parents to realize that when your child ages out of school into adult services – your child ages out of mandated services. Under IDEA – the Individual with Disabilities in Education Act – all students are guaranteed a free and appropriate education.

When your teen or young  adult  either graduates from high school or ages out of school services (at age 22 in most states) – there is nothing guaranteed for your adult child.  Your adult child may be eligible for services, but that does not mean that he or she will receive services. It means they will be eligible to get on waiting lists.

This is why it’s important to  plan ahead and to use the  IEP system to get the goals and objectives on the student’s IEP to learn what they need to learn in order to be successful adults. There are life skills that  every person needs to learn to be able to get and keep a job, enjoy their free time,  live as an adult as independently as possible.   The ITP – Individualized Transition Plan  – exists to plan for the student’s hopes and dreams for their future as adults. Once the ITP is written, the IEP should have goals and objectives that reflect the ITP. Just like your child’s earlier school years, don’t accept the status quo in transition programs because ‘that’s what we do here’ if it doesn’t fit your child’s needs.

Every student is different, but  goals and objectives can be written for every type of person – every student’s ability. Everyone is able to learn – but educators and parents have to be cognizant of HOW that student learns best and WHAT motivates them. Do they have something they really like to do? What are their strengths? For some it is not as obvious. For example, Jeremy just liked to stim, mostly. He liked looking at colors and patterns on  book covers and on rugs. Then he liked learning, and writing when he learned how to communicate by typing – which was a long process.  Then he discovered painting – which he did not like as a child, probably because of the sensory aspects.  Turns out those patterns he liked, were really full of colors he was dreaming about at night. But we didn’t know that till he was 23 years old!

The point is, never give up on your child –  or teenager – or adult. Learning is forever. But it is only while your child is still eligible for  mandated school services under IDEA  that  he or she  will be guaranteed the educators  and supports needed to learn. But be cognizant that the school system can’t do everything.  What can you do that will help your child prepare for the future, or how can you support  your child’s educator  and classmates? For example, If your child has a certain interest, can find someone to mentor him in that after school? Is your child learning to do some chores? Can you find your teenager a volunteer job so he learns responsibility? Can you partner with other parents and support each other and possibly create some options together?

Obviously, this is easier in some cases that for others. We’ve had to spend a lot of time and energy over the years to create opportunities for Jeremy because of his sensory-motor challenges. Jobs or functional living skills that require a lot of fine motor skills are really challenging for him.  Meanwhile he has a productive life doing what he loves, while still working on those living skills he needs to learn. He has a great support team, and  has his independence, but we  are still involved in helping him create his adult life based on his wants and needs. And there is no way we could do it alone, or that any agency could do it alone. It does take a village!

My son Jeremy and I co-authored A Full Life with Autism  so that  parents and educators could learn more about the reality of adult services is, and to offer suggestions on how to best prepare a student with autism for real life. Model programs that parents and professionals have successfully created together are provided.  We hope the book  informs you, and inspires you to plan ahead using the IEP process and whatever else you can do. We also hope  it will inspire parents to get involved and  help create the future with other

like-minded parents and professionals. Together, we can make a difference and create the future.

Chantal Sicile-Kira is an author, speaker and consultant on autism, adolescence, transition services and the effects of autism on the family. Chantal can be reached here.  Feel free to leave comments below.

Full Life Book w Border

Practical Training on Adolescence and Autism for Parents and Educators

Teenager:autism.001

Are you a parent (or educator) of a pre-teen or teen? Do you wonder about how, what and when to explain puberty to your growing child?  Are you wondering what an ITP is and how to best prepare your child or student for adult life?  Or do you just think his or her autism is getting worse? Then  this  three-part series taking place on Tuesday evenings September 10, 17, 24; at 6:00 pm – 8:00 pm  PST  (9:00 pm to 11:00pm EST) is for you. This on-line series, will be available from the comfort of your own home (no matter where you live).

Based on the award-winning book, more recent information, and Chantal Sicile-Kira’s popular national presentations, this three-part interactive series on  Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum costs $99 and  includes:

  • The basics on what you need to know when your child or student (of different ability levels) is a pre-teen or teenager
  • Resources for more information on various topics
  • Opportunity for the participants to write in or call in their questions to Chantal.
  • 6 hours of training
  • PowerPoints provided before the live training to help with note taking.
  • BONUS: Opportunity to watch replay of training at a later date (convenient if you miss a session).
  • BONUS: Opportunity to take part in Google+ hangout discussion with Chantal following the series.

Here’s what some past participants have to say about this online course:

“This was so informative. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and experiences. I’m looking forward to hopefully meeting with you in the near future.” – Danielle (educator)

“I just have to say that I’ve attended your classes before and I always leave with great information.”  Rachel (parent)

“This is really informative and has just given me lots of things to think about and do.”  Linda (parent)

 “ I’m really enjoying these classes. They’ve been very informative. Thank you.” – Erika (parent)

To attend this class, register here.

September 10: Adolescence 101: The Teen Basics : Everything you need to know (but don’t know who to ask)

Topics to be covered include:

  • 13 things every parent or educator needs to know about teenagers;
  • The general challenges faced by ASD teenagers;
  • Sensory processing challenges in adolescence;
  • Functional strategies to help with daily transitions;
  • Family and sibling concerns;
  • Teaching about puberty, hygiene, self-care, masturbation.

 September 17: Adolescence 102: Relationships: It’s Complicated

Topics to be covered include:

  • The notion of privacy and consent;
  • Relationship boundaries;
  • Introduction to sexuality;
  • Self awareness;
  • Self- regulation;
  • Bullying,
  • Interdependence.

September 24: Adolescence 103: The Transition Years : Plan, Prepare, Practice for  the Real World of Adult Life

Topics to be covered include:

  • Preparing the transition to high school;
  • the ITP- Individual Transition Program and IEPs;
  • Teaching life skills needed for work and / or college including:
  • Self-esteem; Self-advocacy; Executive functioning, Self-reliance;
  • Building on strengths and the use of mentors.

The cost is $99.  To register, go here.

The teen years

The teen years

Need Information re Teens with Autism? Autism College course beginning Tuesday August 28

Are you a parent (or educator) of a pre-teen or teen? Do you wonder about how and when to explain puberty to your growing child? Are you at a loss about what to explain about the birds and the bees? Are you wondering what an ITP is and how to best prepare your child or student for adult life? Then the course Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum is for you.

Based on the award-winning book, more recent information, and Chantal Sicile-Kira’s popular national presentations, this interactive course will be taught on-line to a small group on Tuesday August 28, Wednesday August 29, Thursday August 30; from 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm PST (9:00-11:00 EST) for a fee. To sign up, go here.  Instructions will be sent to you within 24 hours of sign up.

The cost for the  6 hour- course over three days is  $99.00 and provides:

  • 6 hours of training
  • PowerPoints provided before the webinars to help with note taking.
  • The basics on what you need to know when your child or student (of different ability levels) is a pre-teen or teenager
  • Resources for more information on various topics
  • Opportunity for the participants to write in or call in their questions to Chantal.
  • BONUS: Written transcript booklet from the original live course  provided in March will be provided to those who sign up (a $39.00 value – see description in the Autism College store)
  • BONUS: Opportunity to watch replay of webinar at a later date (convenient if you miss a session).

Topics to be covered during the 6 hours include:

Adolescence 101: The Teen Basics :Everything you need to know (but don’t know who to ask)

  • 13 things every parent or educator needs to know
  • The general challenges faced by ASD teenagers
  • Sensory processing challenges in adolescence
  • Functional strategies to help with daily transitions
  • Family and sibling concerns
  • Teaching about puberty
  • Hygiene and self-care
  • Masturbation

Adolescence 102: Relationships: It’s Complicated

  • The notion of privacy and consent
  • Relationship boundaries
  • Sexuality
  • Self awareness
  • Self- regulation
  • Bullying
  • Interdependence

Adolescence 103: The Transition Years: Plan, Prepare, Practice for the Real World of Adult Life

  • Preparing the transition to High school
  • The ITP- Individual Transition Program and IEPs
  • Teaching life skills needed for work and / or college: self-esteem, self-advocacy, executive functioning, self-reliance
  • Building on strengths
  • The use of mentors

Sign up now to reserve your spot! Questions? Send us an email!

Praise for A Full Life with Autism

Lars Perner, Ph.D., Chair, Panel of People on the Spectrum of Autism Advisors for the Autism Society of America, and Assistant Professor of Clinical Marketing, USC, had this to say about A Full Life with Autism:

Each individual on the spectrum is unique and will need personally tailored supports.  At the same time, because of autism’s complexities and seemingly contradictory characteristics, it is often difficult to get a view of the “big picture” of a life on the spectrum and the challenges that it presents.  In their very comprehensive—yet highly readable—book, Chantal and Jeremy succeed in addressing both of these concerns.

Although ample resources for addressing the diverse needs of individuals on the spectrum are presented, the case Jeremy illustrates the types of challenges, surprises, and opportunities  that may come up as an individual develops.  Chantal talks about initially not expecting Jeremy even to finish high school and subsequently being able to help him not just graduate but go on to college.  An especially intriguing issue discussed involved helping Jeremy understand that a girlfriend is not something that can just be “hired” in the way that one can secure aides and support workers—an issue that only the most clairvoyant parent might have anticipated. Although optimistic and filled with humor, the book clearly acknowledges challenges that this family faced and those that will likely be faced by others—including obstacles to finding long term housing opportunities and healing from traumatic events.

Although much of the writing is done by Chantal, Jeremy is a consistent, creative, and innovative contributor, talking candidly about his own experiences that have led to the lists of tips that he presents.  I especially love his observation that rights of disabled individuals “are founded on the Fourteenth Amendment of the Constitution.”  The book’s extensive list of issues that may come up will unquestionable leave many families much better prepared for handling the challenges that will come up over the years.

A Full Life with Autism: Comments by Dr. Cathy Pratt

Unfortunately, many adults on the autism experience high rates of unemployment or underemployment.  Some of our most gifted live in poverty and have few options in life.   Chantal and Jeremy have creatively worked to create an engaged life for Jeremy and his family.   This book provides very practical ideas for transition planning and provides a template that others can use as they support adults moving into adulthood.   I highly recommend this for any family or individual as they  prepare for transition planning.

 

Dr. Cathy Pratt, BCBA-D, Director- Indiana Resource Center for Autism, Indiana Institute on Disability and Community; Former President of the Autism Society of America

13 Things to Keep in Mind as Your Child with ASD Reaches Adolescence

 Often I get emails from parents who  think their child is getting worse when they hit the double digits.  That’s what it seems like when puberty hits!  So I’m reprinting this article I wrote about adolescence that  first appeared in the Autism – Asperger’s Digest. The article appeared a few years ago, but the worries and challenges faced by parents are the same as they were when I wrote it. I hope you find it useful.

As well to provide an opportunity for parents and educators to have more in-depth information, I’ll be giving a course on Adolescence and Autism here in the  Autism College Classroom on September 10, 17, 24  from 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm PST  (9:00 pm to 11:00 pm EST)   Participation is limited so that participants can have time to ask questions and get advice.  Click here for a description,  Click here forpricing and to enroll. Questions? Email me at Chantal@AutismCollege.com. 

 13 Things to Keep in Mind as Your Child with ASD Reaches Adolescence

0009Living with a child on the autism spectrum day after day, parents often miss the little changes that are so typical of all kids’ development. One day I looked at my son, Jeremy, and realized he was already up to my chin. And what was that – facial hair? His behavior started to change as well. As a young child he’d always been compliant; we spent years trying to teach him to say “no” and mean it. So I was thrilled when he just didn’t want to do what we wanted him to do anymore.

Autism and adolescence: each on their own can be interesting and challenging, to say the least. Together, they form a volatile mix that can arouse daily anxiety in even the most prepared adult. If you live with or work with a pre-teen with an autism spectrum diagnosis, attention to the following 13 points can help you and your child navigate those years a little more smoothly. One caveat: it doesn’t matter the functioning level of your child with autism or Asperger’s; everything here applies. You’ll work them out differently depending upon his or her cognitive, emotional and/or communication abilities, but don’t overlook them, thinking they don’t relate to you child. They do!

  1. Noncompliance: it may not be autism, it may be adolescence. Whether or not they have autism, there’s a definite ‘shift’ in behavior and personality when children turn into teenagers. Wanting your attention changes to wanting their independence. For kids on the spectrum, this behavior change may look like non-compliance; they don’t follow through on your requests as before. But it’s actually a normal part of their development, entirely aside from their autism. As a parent it’s important to support your teen as he struggles to become his own person, and even though it may be hard to appreciate, this is a positive development. After years of being taught to do as he is told, your teen needs to start learning that it is acceptable at times to say ‘No,’ or he might find himself in dangerous situations with peers or others looking for an easy victim to prey upon.
  2. Teenagers need to learn to make their own choices. Giving choices to your growing teen will teach him about decision making and accepting the consequences of his choice (good and bad), as well as help him realize he will eventually have more control over his own life. This applies no matter what the functioning level of the child. Offer him choices, regularly, and abide by the choice he makes. Remember, as he gets older he will want and need to be more involved in his life and his transition planning. By letting him make choices now (within your parameters at first) you are teaching him valuable life skills.
  3. Chores teach responsibility. At any age, it’s good to teach children that being part of a group (whether it is a family, a work group, or a community) brings with it a certain level of responsibility. If your pre-teen has somehow been exempt from chores and group responsibility, let this slide no longer. Teens need to learn that living in a house with other people entails responsibilities as well as pleasures. Chores teach the teen to be responsible for himself, to live independently, as well as foster self-worth and self-esteem. ALL individuals with autism can be taught to contribute at some level. Do make sure your child has opportunities to do so.
  4. Watch out for seizures. One of every four teenagers with ASD will develop seizures during puberty. Although the exact reason is not known, this seizure activity may be due to hormonal changes in the body. For many the seizures are small and sub-clinical, and are typically not detected by simple observation. Some signs that a teen may be experiencing sub-clinical seizures include making little or no academic gains after doing well during childhood and preteen years, losing behavioral and/or cognitive gains, or exhibiting behavior problems such as self injury, aggression and severe tantruming. (Read my post about a useful book here).
  5. Talk to your child about his/her changing body. Imagine how scary it must be to realize your body is going through some strange metamorphosis, you don’t know why and there is nothing you can do about it. Whether your child has Asperger’s Syndrome and has sat through hygiene classes at school, or he is more impacted by autism and you’re not sure how much he understands, it is important to discuss the changing male and female body in a simple way he can understand. Otherwise, your teen may be overly anxious and agitated when she starts menstruating or when he has wet dreams. Visuals that include photos or drawings and simple words may be helpful, especially at the beginning. Be concrete and don’t overwhelm – this is certainly not a one-time talk!
  6. Masturbation: a fact of life. Let’s face it; masturbation is a normal activity that almost all teenagers engage in. Once discovered, it is an activity hard to stop, especially for individuals who enjoy self-stimulatory activities and can be obsessive compulsive, as are many people on the autism spectrum. The best approach is teaching your teen that this is a private activity to be done only in private at home, in a designated place such as his bedroom.
  7. Relationships and sexuality: topics that need to be discussed. Sexuality is a topic that most parents are not comfortable discussing with their children, even their neurotypical teens. However, it is necessary to talk to your teen on the spectrum about sex and the many types of relationships that exist between people. It is naïve of parents to think that because their child has autism s/he won’t need this information. Teens talk, and invariably your child will be hearing about it from their NT peers at school. Whatever the functioning level of your child, he needs to be taught about appropriate/inappropriate greetings, touch and language when interacting with members of the opposite or same sex. Don’t leave this important part of his social-emotional development to locker room education.
  8. Self-regulation is important for life as an adult. An important skill for every teen to learn is the ability to control his or her reactions to emotional feelings and sensory overload. Hopefully, by the time they are teens your child or student has learned to recognize their feelings and impending emotional or sensory overload, and ways to handle the situation. In school this could mean practicing self-calming techniques or signaling to the aide or teacher they need a break and having a ‘safe place’ or quiet room to go to. At home, teens should have their own quiet spot to retreat to when overwhelmed. And parents: respect their need to do so!
  9. Self-esteem is the foundation for success. While children are young, start building this foundation by emphasizing strengths rather than weaknesses. If your child with ASD, no matter what his age, has low self-esteem pay attention to the messages he is receiving from people around him at home, at school and in the community. In all likelihood, the message he is hearing is that he can’t do anything right. Teens need to be told when they are acting, responding and communicating appropriately, as well as that their (considerable) efforts to do so are appreciated. Where there are challenges, it is up to us, as the adults in their lives, to help them find strategies to be effective. Teens can be at high risk for depression. Parents should ensure their teen knows they are valued and loved under all circumstances, not just when they ‘get it right.’
  10. Self-advocacy is required for independence. Eventually your teen will be living away from home and will not be under your protection. He needs to know how to speak up for himself. Start this training while he is in school. IDEA 2004 mandates that students be invited to participate in transition planning and this supportive environment can be good ‘training ground.’ Make sure your teen is aware of his strengths and weaknesses and how he is different from others. In this way the teen can gain a real-life understanding of areas he may need to improve upon or that require assistance from others, and areas in which he is proficient, or that are his strong points to build upon.
  11. Bullying is a serious problem and should be treated as such. Bullying can range from verbal taunts to physical encounters. At any level it is not an individual problem, but a school problem. Unless your child’s school strongly enforces a no-bullying policy from the principal on down, your teen may have a difficult time. Teens on the spectrum are poor at picking up social cues, understanding ulterior motives, sarcasm, and predicting behaviors in others. As such, they unknowingly put themselves in unsafe situations. At other times their unconventional grooming or dress, often stilted language and rule-bound obsessions can render them targeted victims. Ensure your teen learns the meaning of non-verbal behaviors and the hidden curriculum (i.e. the unstated rules in social situations). Enlist the help of a neurotypical teen or sibling when shopping for clothes or getting a new hairstyle so your teen has at least a semblance of ‘fitting in’ with his peer group.
  12. The Individualized Transition Plan (ITP) is your teenager’s business plan for the future. Second only to the early intervention years, the transition years in high school are the most important years in your child’s educational life. Skills your teen needs to learn to survive and thrive as an adult, in adult settings, should be the focus of this time in school. The ITP, mandated through federal special education law, is the roadmap for your teen’s future. Once your child graduates or ages out of high school, mandated services are few and programs have waiting lists that extend into years. Spend time (and include your child as much as possible) thinking about what he wants to be doing when high school ends, and 5-10 years from now. Then plan how he will get there and what skills will be needed. This “futures planning” should drive the goals written into his IEP.
  13. Parents, you need to take time out for yourself; it’s good for your child too. With all the responsibilities you have as a parent of an adolescent on the spectrum, you need to take some time out for yourself. Whether it is a short break you take every day to go for a walk, exercise or engage in a favorite activity, or a weekly evening out with your significant other, you need to recharge your batteries. This is also positive modeling for your pre-teen and teen. It teaches that life can be stressful and overwhelming at times for all of us, and that we need to develop ways to manage our stress, and enjoy life, not just l

Just the other day I was looking around the house for Jeremy. I knocked on his bedroom door. He opened the door a crack, one of his Guitar World magazines in hand. I could hear Dave Matthews playing in the background. “Go away, Mom,” he said, and I did, with a little smile on my face. Jeremy is significantly impacted by his autism. Yet moments such as this remind me that he is first and foremost a teenager, with his own personality, his own wants and wishes. He’s on the road to becoming his own person, figuring things out in preparation for adulthood. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

For more information on Adolescence and Autism, sign up for my on-line course.

Why does it seem like their autism is getting worse when they hit puberty?

Something happens when children turn into teenagers. They go from demanding  your attention to wanting their independence. For those on the spectrum, it may look like non-compliance; they don’t seem to want to follow through on your requests anymore. As a parent  it may be hard to appreciate, but  this is a necessary development. Being appropriately non-compliant  is a positive step towards self-advocacy. However, it is important to differentiate between appropriate teenage non-compliance, and problem behaviors that must be stopped.   As a parent  it’s important to support your teen as he struggles to  become his own person.

When tweens  on the spectrum go through puberty and hit the teen years, they also have the same hormones acting up as the neurotypical teens, and they feel the need to be more independent, only they don’t have the same outlets as neurotypicals to show their independence. Thus we see more defiant and on-compliant behavior.

Neurotypical teens are able to communicate to us that they are needing independence, they need more time away from their parents, and more choice over how they will spend their time. Sometimes they start acting up by staying out later than a pre-established curfew, go to parties, and get into environments where they have to make choices about their behavior. They usually have friends, and start negotiating with us  to change our house rules in  regards to their social outings. At school, they are involved in small group project or on sports teams and they get to make choices that effect the team.

For example, my daughter, Rebecca, loves alternative rock concerts, and has been asking to attend them since she was 11 years old. Now, at 17, the rules have changed in regards to attending concerts. When she was 11, she could go on a weekend night with a few friends if there was a trusted parent who went with them and stayed with them the whole time, and she had to be home at a certain time.  Now at 17, she is allowed to stay out later, does not have to have an adult accompany her, and at times can go during the week, depending on school and sport schedule.  The rules changed because as she got older, Rebecca argued her case to us, her parents, about why she should be allowed to stay out later, and to show her responsibility.

Pre-teens and teens with autism, however, don’t usually negotiate or tell their parents they need more space, even if they are verbal. They rarely have opportunities outside the home with other teens that are testing their parents authority. Yet, they have the same hormones and the same urge to have more freedom. This leads to non-compliance – which is never any fun for those involved.

In my next post, I’ll give you some autism parenting tips on how to provide your teen or student with more freedom or more space. Meanwhile,  you may want to consider signing up for my course on Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum.

1001 Tips for Parents of Autistic Boys and Autistic Girls.

Those who have heard me speak at conferences or who read my books know that I love information that is usable. When it comes to books on autism, practical rules. Two books have just been published that are full of useful tidbits that parents will appreciate, and these are 1001 Tips for Parents of Autistic Girls by Tony Lyons, and 1001 Tips for Parents of Autistic Boys by Ken Siri.

Like any book on autism, some of the tips in these books will apply to your child and your situation, and others may not. But with 1001 tips there are many to choose from. The book for parents of autistic girls is a great resource, as lately there have been a few books published on Aspie girls but nothing really for those on the other parts of the spectrum. When it comes to puberty and the teen years, parents of girls need information about how to handle the changes puberty brings (I think you get the picture).

On Thanksgiving Eve, I am grateful for the autism community of parents, professionals and support staff who have shared their wisdom as we search for enlightenment. In honor of the release of these two 1001 Tips  for Parents, I’m sharing my favorite tips for making it through the holiday season from my recent Psychology Today blog. Parents, you may find these useful in making it through the upcoming month and a half. I know how difficult it can be.

(If these tips don’t work, remember the three V’s – valium, vodka, vacation, but not if you are driving and certainly not for your child. – Disclaimer: The information appearing between these parenthesis was written to incite laughter, and is not to be taken as medical advice, please check with your doctor before self-medicating).

Why the holidays are so difficult for families with autism and what can help

Often parents in the autism community will joke that we become more religious during the holiday season that begins with Thanksgiving: we pray our children will behave while we are visiting relatives, we pray they will show interest in their gifts (and not just the ribbon), we pray they will sit at the dinner table, we pray they won’t hit the relative who tries to kiss them, and above all – we pray that we will have the strength to politely ignore the judgments passed upon us and our ‘misbehaving’ children.

Here are some areas of difficulties for children on the spectrum and their families during the holiday season, from my book, 41 Things to Know About Autism, published earlier this year :

The stores are full of noise, lights, lots of people, and winter holiday music that can create major overwhelm for those with sensory processing challenges.
• Social requirements such as relatives wanting a hug or a kiss that can fell painful.
• Holiday dinners where they are expected to try foods or sit for long periods of time with so many people and so much commotion.
• Many children are mesmerized by the colors and textures of the ribbon and wrapping paper and do not open the present but stim (get engrossed and play) with the wrapping
• The child does not understand personal space or have safety notions and so may run around the house or try to play with something breakable.
• Relatives may think that the child is misbehaving, and may try to discipline the child, not realizing that the child really can’t help it, and that discipline is not helpful when it comes to sensory overload and high anxiety.
• Parents have a difficult time because they know there are certain expectations of behavior that relatives and friends have and that the child cannot fulfill.

What can you do? With some preparation, planning and information sharing, the holidays can be less stressful and more enjoyable. Here are some tips on how to prepare your friends and relatives whom you will be visiting:

• Explain the difficulties your child has with the holiday dinner environment, decorations, noise etc.
• Let them know he is not just misbehaving, and that he is learning little by little to handle these situations
• Explain about dietary challenges so they don’t expect him to eat what everyone else is eating.
• Ask if there is a quiet room (child -proof in terms of décor) where your child can retreat for some quiet time to escape the commotion and noise.
• Send them a short but sweet letter or email ahead of time explaining why your child acts the way he does and the difficulties of the holidays form his point of view. They will have a better understanding of why she won’t wear a dress or he won’t wear a necktie, and why as more and more people start arriving, he tries to escape the room.

To prepare your child:

• Make a social stories book about what will be happening and the behavioral expectations. If possible include photos of who he will be seeing, the house  decorated during last year’s holiday season. If he is going to church, do the same for that environment.
• Play some of the music he may be hearing at this holiday season.
• Practice unwrapping presents – wrap a bunch of boxes up with favorite treats inside and have him open them to get to them.
• Practice a handshake if he can tolerate that.
• Write rules together – ie how long he thinks he can tolerate sitting at table, and the expected behavior.

On the day of the holiday celebration:

• Remind your child of the agreed upon rules
• Pack some little toys he can play with in his lap at the dinner table
• Bring some foods he can eat, especially if he is on a specific diet.
• Arrive early so that the noise level builds up slowly for him.
• Do not let the expectations of others ruin your day. Do what you need to do to make it as comfortable as possible for you and your child.

Holidays can be difficult because of all the expectations, as well as the sensory challenges, but with planning and information sharing the holidays can be more enjoyable for all.

Back to School 101: Tips for General Education Teachers About Students with Asperger’s Syndrome

This is from my Psychology Today blog published September 9, 2010

Often junior high and high school teachers have teenagers with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) included in their classrooms, and are not given much in the way of useful information. Here I hope to provide a few practical tips that may be helpful to educators with no practical knowledge about students on the spectrum.

Parents, you may wish to print this out to give to your child’s teacher, or send them the link. There are only a few tips here, but usually teachers are receptive so practical information that may help them to understand and reach their student.

Asperger’s or High Functioning Autism (HFA) is often described as an ‘invisible disability’ because students on the spectrum do not look different frorm most students. Most teachers expect them to act like everyone else, but often the student gets in trouble for behaving in a way that seems rude, disruptive or non-compliant. A diagnosis of Asperger’s or HFA is based on challenges in the areas of communication, and social relationships, as well as what appears to be an obsession or passion for a particular area of interest.

Here are some tips that may help the school year go a little easier for you and your student on the spectrum:

* It’s a good idea to have a hard copy of the homework assignment to hand to your students on the spectrum, because most of them are mono-channel, meaning they have only one other processing channels (auditory or visual) working effectively at one time. This means they cannot look at the assignment on the board, write it down and still be able to focus on what you are saying. By the time they have finished copying down the assignment, they have missed your intro to that day’s lesson. This mono-channel aspect makes it hard for a student to multi-task, and by only requiring him/her to do one thing at a time, it will be much easier for the student to be focused on the day’s lesson.

* The student with Asperger’s or HFA usually takes things literally – this is part of the communication challenge. For example, if you address the class by saying “Please turn to page 12,” expecting the students to start doing the work on that page, the Aspie student may turn to page 12, and then just sit there, awaiting further instruction. Meanwhile, you may think he is being a smart-aleck, but I assure you, he is not. You need to say “Please turn to page 12 and write the answers to question 1-5 in your notebook.”

* This taking things literally means that also the student may not understand all the nuances of language or social customs, what we call ‘hidden curriculum.’ Think of what it is like as a foreigner in a new land and how they need to be explained the local customs- that is what it is like for a person on the spectrum.

* Students on the spectrum are often described as being obsessed with a particular topic or subject, for example, space travel, buildings, certain types of music, transportation. Actually, being passionate about a topic shows an interest in learning. If you know what your student is passionate about, you can relate your lessons or subject in some way to his area of interest and your student will excel.

* Many students on the spectrum are overly sensitive to noise and crowds, making transition times between classrooms difficult. By allowing the student to arrive or leave a few minutes early or late, you will make it much easier for that student to arrive to class less stressed, and ready to focus on the lesson.

Students with Asperger’s Syndrome or HFA are usually very bright and eager to learn. Hopefully these tips will help the year be a more productive one for you and your student.

Autism and Adolescence 101: How do I teach my teen the concept of “private”?

This article originally appeared in Examiner.com’s Autism &Adolescence Column

It is extremely important that teenagers understand the different behaviors and conversations that are appropriate in public,  and the kind that are meant to be private. For example, touching certain parts of your body in public is inappropriate, and can even get the eighteen and over adolescents in trouble with the law. Having conversations at school that are appropriate to have at the family breakfast table but are  inappropriate  in a peer lunchroom setting, can get a teen labeled weird at school and  prevent friendships from developing.

One way of teaching the concept of “private” and “public” that can be used with different ability levels is to use two picture icons, one of a fully-clothed  figure labeled with the word “public,” and one of a figure clothed only with underwear labeled “private.”  A good time to start teaching this is when your tween is attempting to have “private time” (the euphemism in our house for masturbation) in the living room, or is still insisting on running around the house with no clothes on.

Show your tween the icons, and explain which behaviors are private and should be done in his room only, and which are public and OK everywhere in the house. For those more impacted by autism, putting the private icon inside his or her bedroom door, and the public one outside his bedroom door is helpful. Then, you can remind your tween when inappropriate private behaviors are occurring outside his room, ‘That is a private behavior you do in the privacy of your room,” and take him to his bedroom and show him the icons.  Same with appropriate and inappropriate conversations.  An adolescent female may need to be reminded that is  OK to discuss her menstrual cycle at the breakfast table at home (private conversation), but not at the school cafeteria at lunchtime (public place).

Teaching the concept of private and public  is crucial  to helping  your teen understand what is appropriate and  what is inappropriate behavior in public – a concept that will be invaluable as he or she becomes more independent.