Preparing Your Teen or Young Adult for Work in the Real World

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“Jeremy does not like jobs with physical activities but likes to work with ideas and be able to tell others what to do…. As the case manager, I see Jeremy’s strong assets like working data, communicating with people to purchase/buy/manage a business. He is able to do gross motor activities, but often finds fine motor activities difficult and frustrating. Jeremy needs more opportunities exploring jobs and finding out what he would do to have fun and earn money. These last two ideas are very important to Jeremy.”

The above was part of information given to us by one of Jerey’s favorite teachers during an Individualized Education Program (IEP) meeting a few years back.

Jeremy is older now, but like all parents my husband and I worry about what his future will look like. Jeremy is now 22 years old, and with the economic situation being what it is, we are doubly concerned about the financial aspects of Jeremy’s life as an adult. But as the saying goes, worry gets you nowhere – fast. Preparing, planning and creative thinking is a better alternative to wringing our hands.

When thinking about employment for your child or student on the spectrum, there are a few aspects that need to be focused on: the life skills he or she needs to learn; a clear understanding of what employers look for in an employee; the interests and strengths of the person on the spectrum; the usefulness of mentors; and the different employment structures currently available. In this post, I’ll be discussing necessary life skills and what employers look for.

Necessary Life Skills

In my book, Autism Life Skills : From Communication and Safety to Self-Esteem and More – 10 Essential Abilities Every Child Needs and Deserves to Learn, the ten skill areas covered are important for all aspects of life, whether at work, at school, at home, or in the community. Some of the skills such as self-regulation, independence, social relationships, and self-advocacy are important for getting and keeping a job. The topic of earning a living is the last chapter in my book, because being able to get and hold a job is really a culmination of all the life skills hopefully learned during the school -age years, whether a person is on or off the spectrum. For example, for someone to be accepted in a workplace, he must be able to control his emotional and sensory meltdowns. A certain amount of independence is needed at most jobs. Understanding that you should speak to your boss differently than you would to a colleague is important to know in most work situations. Self advocacy skills are necessary in order to request what you need to get the job done.

Life skills in general should be broken down and translated into IEP goals and objectives, especially during middle school, high school and transition years. Obviously, everyone is different and the skill level reached for each of these skills is different depending on the person, but every student needs to learn a minimum in order to live and work in the community.

What Employers Look for When Hiring

Too often, when looking for a job placement for a person on the spectrum, people take the approach of asking for handout, or a favor. We need to approach this differently. I took a look at the top 10 skills and attributes most employers look for as identified by the Bureau of Labor (Job Outlook, 2003) and I discovered that many of those attributes are attributes people on the spectrum have, yet rarely do we sell those attributes to prospective employers. Here’s the top ten of what employers look for: honesty and integrity; a strong work ethic; analytical skills; computer skills; teamwork; time management and organizational skills; communication skills (oral and written); flexibility; interpersonal skills; motivation / initiative.

Now, many of you reading this are probably focusing on the skills in this list your child or student does not have. Look at it again, and think about what attributes your child does have. For example, most people on the spectrum are honest to a fault – they are usually the ones in the store saying “yes” when a woman trying on a dress says “Does this make me look fat?” They are not the employees who will be caught with thier hands in the cash tills. That’s a positive point to sell. A strong work ethic applies to most of our guys – the ones who do not like a change in routine and are going to be there rain or shine. They will not be calling in sick because they had one too many martinis the night before, or leave early because they have an event to attend. Analytical skills are really ‘obsessive attention to detail,’ and many of our children have that. The child who likes to line up blocks and trains probably has good organizational skills. Teamwork and flexibility are difficult areas for many, but we should be teaching flexibility at school (there are ways of doing that), and teamwork can be handled by ensuring the person on the spectrum has one person on the team that he is in contact with for all needed information. Many of our children with Asperger’s are good communicators, and some have become journalists, speechwriters and professors.

The point is, when people are selling a product and/ or service, they market the positive attributes, not the negatives. And that’s precisely what we need to be doing with any prospective employee on the spectrum.

In my next post, I’ll discuss the interests and strengths of the person on the spectrum, and the usefulness of mentors.

Celebrating Holidays: Autism College Q & A with author Ann Palmer

Join us for a free Q & A with author and parent Ann Palmer on Thursday, November 17 from 6:00 to 8:00 PST. (Sign up for our newsletter to register and we’ll send you information about how to ask questions in the newsletter).

Celebrating holidays together is a way that families stay connected and feel supported. Families living with ASD especially need the support and understanding of their extended family members. But family get-togethers, holiday gatherings, or large social events are typically very stressful for a family with a child with ASD. Ms. Palmer will discuss why these events may be difficult and what family members and friends can do to show their support and make the holidays easier for the child with ASD and the parents.

Ann Palmer is the parent of a 28 year old son with autism and has worked in the field for the last 20 years. She was the Parent Support Coordinator for Division TEACCH and the Director of Advocacy and Chapter Support for the Autism Society of North Carolina. She is currently a faculty member of the Carolina Institute on Developmental Disabilities at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.

Ann is the author of three books published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers. Realizing the College Dream with Autism or Asperger Syndrome: A Parent’s Guide to Student Success was written about her son’s experience at a large state university. Parenting Across the Autism Spectrum: Unexpected Lessons We Have Learned was co-authored with Maureen Morrell and is an excellent resource for parents and family members of newly diagnosed children. Her newest book, A Friend’s and Relative’s Guide to Supporting the Family with Autism: How Can I Help? will be released in June 2012.

 

Autism College to present free live Q&A with author Tom Fields-Meyer

Autism College will present a free live Q & A on Monday, September 19, from 6:00 to 7:00pm PST with Tom Fields-Meyer, moderated by Chantal Sicile-Kira. Tom is the author of the recently published book: FOLLOWING EZRA: What One Father Learned About Gumby, Otters, Autism, and Love from His Extraordinary Son, moderated by Chantal Sicile-Kira. Sign up for this webinar at the bottom of this post. The publisher has generously agreed to send a free copy of the book to one of the Q & A participants, so send in a question and you may get more than just an answer!   

About the book, from the Following Ezra website:

When Tom Fields-Meyer’s son Ezra was a toddler and showing early signs of autism, a therapist suggested that the father allow himself time to mourn.

“For what?” he asked.

The answer: “For the child he didn’t turn out to be.”

That moment helped strengthen Tom’s resolve to do just the opposite: to celebrate the child Ezra was becoming, a singular boy with a fascinating and complex mind. Full of unexpected laughs, poignant moments and remarkable insights, Following Ezra is the riveting story of a father and son on a ten-year adventure, from Ezra’s diagnosis to the dawn of his adolescence. An engaging account of a father gradually uncovering layers of a puzzle, it rejoices in each new discovery and exults in the boy’s evolution from a remote toddler to an extraordinary young man, connected to the world in his own astounding ways.

Unlike other parenting memoirs, Following Ezra isn’t about a battle against a disease, nor is it a clinical account of searching for doctors, therapies or miracle diets. Instead, Fields-Meyer describes—with humor and tenderness—the wondrous, textured, and often surprising life one experiences in raising a unique child.

“This story will illuminate the experience of parenting a child with autism for those who don’t know it, and will resonate with those of us who know it all too well,” says novelist Cammie McGovern. “There are blessings along the way, and Tom Fields-Meyer depicts them beautifully.”

About the author, from  the  Following Ezra website:

Tom Fields-Meyer has been writing stories for popular audiences for nearly three decades, specializing in telling meaningful and worthwhile narratives with humanity, humor and grace. In twelve years as senior writer at People, he produced scores human-interest pieces and profiles of newsmakers. He penned articles on some of the biggest crime stories of the day (from the O.J. Simpson trial to the murder of Matthew Shepherd), profiled prominent politicians and world leaders (Nancy Pelosi, Pope John  Paul II, Sen. Ted Kennedy), and demonstrated a pitch-perfect touch writing tales of ordinary people overcoming life’s challenges in inspiring and compelling ways.

Tom also lends his skills to help others to put their compelling personal narratives into words. He teamed up with the late Eva Brown, a popular speaker at The Simon Wiesenthal Center’s Museum of Tolerance, to write Brown’s memoir, If You Save One Life: A Survivor’s Memoir (2007). Wiesenthal executive director Rabbi Marvin Hier called the book “very significant and meaningful…an everlasting and important legacy…and a reminder to future generations that championing tolerance, justice and social change are everyone’s obligation.”

Tom collaborated with Noah Alper, founder Noah’s Bagels, the successful West Coast chain, on Alper’s memoir: Business Mensch: Timeless Wisdom for Today’s Entrepreneur (2009). Publisher’s Weekly said: “This earnest book shines with Alper’s conviction, business savvy and decency.”

In September 2011, NAL/Penguin Books will publish Tom’s memoir, Following Ezra: What One Father Learned About Gumby, Otters, Autism, and Love from His Extraordinary Son. Full of tender moments and unexpected humor, the book tells the story of a father and son on a ten-year journey from Ezra’s diagnosis to the dawn of his adolescence. It celebrates Ezra’s evolution from a remote toddler to an extraordinary young man, connected in his own remarkable ways to the world around him.

Tom previously worked as a news reporter and feature writer for the Dallas Morning News, where he covered the kinds of stories that happen only in Texas (shootouts in Country-Western dance halls, culture pieces on the State Fair) and once was dispatched to Nevada to investigate a road designated by AAA as “America’s loneliest highway.” As a senior editor at the Chronicle of Higher Education, he traveled the nation’s campuses and once convinced his editor to send him on a 10-day junket aboard a schooner in the Bahamas (an assignment he came to regret, not just because of seasickness). Tom’s writing has appeared in dozens of publications, including The New York Times Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, the Los Angeles Times and Esquire.

A graduate of Harvard University, Tom lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Rabbi Shawn Fields-Meyer, and their three sons.

To sign up for the webinar, please signup for our newsletter here. Already signed up for the newsletter? Click here

 

Free Q & A on Back to School Tips with Dr. Peter Faustino, moderated by Chantal Sicile-Kira

By the end of the summer, most of us parents are happy to see summer end knowing our ASD children will have routine and a schedule back in their lives (and so will we).  But  we dread the stress related to the start of a new school year.  There are ways to lessen the stress and help prepare both your child and the teacher for a new and hopefully successful new school year.

Autism College hopes to help this year by offering you a two hour free Q & A with Visiting Professor, Dr. Peter Faustino, school psychologist, moderated by Chantal Sicile-Kira. Both Dr. Faustino and Chantal have written on the topic and are looking forward to answering your questions and giving you tips to prepare your child, yourself, and the teacher for the start of a successful new school year! Whether your child is fully included or in a special day class there are ways to prepare and alleviate some of the stress of the transition from summer to school, especially when there are teachers new to your child or teenager.

Join Dr. Faustino and Chantal on Monday, August 22, 2011 from 6:00 to 8:00pm PST on the topic : Tips for Reducing the  Back to School Stress for Children with Autism, Parents and Educators.

Dr. Peter Faustino has been working as a school psychologist for more than 12 years.  He is currently the President of the New York Association of School Psychologists (NYASP).  NYASP – the state affiliate of NASP (www.naspweb.org) – serves children, their families, and the school community by promoting psychological well-being, excellence in education, and sensitivity to diversity through best practices in school psychology.  Dr. Faustino joined the Bedford Central School District in 2003 to work at the Fox Lane Middle School. Dr. Faustino also maintains a private practice with the Developmental Assessment and Intervention Center (DAIC) in Bedford Hills, NY.  He presents frequently at national conferences, schools, and parent organizations.

To sign up for the webinar, please signup for our newsletter here. Already signed up for the newsletter? Click here.

Back to School 101: Tips for General Education Teachers About Students with Asperger’s Syndrome

This was first published as a  blog post on my  Psychology Today blog on September 9, 2010, but the information is still still relevant today.

Often junior high and high school teachers have teenagers with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) included in their classrooms, and are not given much in the way of useful information. Here I hope to provide a few practical tips that may be helpful to educators with no practical knowledge about students on the spectrum.

Parents, you may wish to print this out to give to your child’s teacher, or send them the link. There are only a few tips here, but usually teachers are receptive so practical information that may help them to understand and reach their student.

Asperger’s or High Functioning Autism (HFA) is often described as an ‘invisible disability’ because students on the spectrum do not look different frorm most students. Most teachers expect them to act like everyone else, but often the student gets in trouble for behaving in a way that seems rude, disruptive or non-compliant. A diagnosis of Asperger’s or HFA is based on challenges in the areas of communication, and social relationships, as well as what appears to be an obsession or passion for a particular area of interest.

Here are some tips that may help the school year go a little easier for you and your student on the spectrum:

* It’s a good idea to have a hard copy of the homework assignment to hand to your students on the spectrum, because most of them are mono-channel, meaning they have only one other processing channels (auditory or visual) working effectively at one time. This means they cannot look at the assignment on the board, write it down and still be able to focus on what you are saying. By the time they have finished copying down the assignment, they have missed your intro to that day’s lesson. This mono-channel aspect makes it hard for a student to multi-task, and by only requiring him/her to do one thing at a time, it will be much easier for the student to be focused on the day’s lesson.

* The student with Asperger’s or HFA usually takes things literally – this is part of the communication challenge. For example, if you address the class by saying “Please turn to page 12,” expecting the students to start doing the work on that page, the Aspie student may turn to page 12, and then just sit there, awaiting further instruction. Meanwhile, you may think he is being a smart-aleck, but I assure you, he is not. You need to say “Please turn to page 12 and write the answers to question 1-5 in your notebook.”

* This taking things literally means that also the student may not understand all the nuances of language or social customs, what we call ‘hidden curriculum.’ Think of what it is like as a foreigner in a new land and how they need to be explained the local customs- that is what it is like for a person on the spectrum.

* Students on the spectrum are often described as being obsessed with a particular topic or subject, for example, space travel, buildings, certain types of music, transportation. Actually, being passionate about a topic shows an interest in learning. If you know what your student is passionate about, you can relate your lessons or subject in some way to his area of interest and your student will excel.

* Many students on the spectrum are overly sensitive to noise and crowds, making transition times between classrooms difficult. By allowing the student to arrive or leave a few minutes early or late, you will make it much easier for that student to arrive to class less stressed, and ready to focus on the lesson.

Students with Asperger’s Syndrome or HFA are usually very bright and eager to learn. Hopefully these tips will help the year be a more productive one for you and your student.

Summer Updates

Recently I have been neglecting Autism College because I’ve been busy writing book #5:  A Full Life With Autism: From Learning to Forming Relationships to Achieving Independence. This book, co-authored with my son, Jeremy, is all about creating a life for a young person with autism. It’s a practical guide – like all my other books- but is really driven by my son’s goals and dreams for his future. At 22, he has many of the same aspirations as any young man, and as his mom (read: biggest advocate) I feel it is my duty to help him create the life he wants to live.

Now that the manuscript is done, I can get back to Autism College; back  to creating a site with practical information and training you can use. First step: getting more articles in the free library (those will be in over the next few weeks) and creating some courses on autism and the teens years, plus the transition to adulthood. Doing the research to write A Full Life has given me lots of new information and tips, and I look forward to sharing them with you.

Meanwhile, Autism College will present a free live Q & A on Monday, August 22, 2011 from 6:00 to 8:00pm PST with Dr. Peter Faustino, school psychologist, which I will be moderating.  The topic will be “Tips for Reducing the Back to School Stress for Children with Autism, Parents and Educators.”

More information to follow soon!

What is sensory processing disorder, and how is it related to autism?

Although a sensory processing disorder is not considered a qualifying characteristic for a diagnosis of autism, I have yet to meet a  person on the autism spectrum who does not have a challenge in this area. In interviewing adults and teenagers of different ability levels for my book, Autism Life Skills (Penguin 2008), most of them stated sensory processing challenges as the number one difficulty for them, regardless of where they were on the spectrum.

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) is a neurological disorder that causes difficulties with processing information from the five senses: vision, auditory, touch, olfaction, and taste, as well as from the sense of movement (vestibular system), and/or the positional sense (proprioception). For those with SPD, sensory information is sensed, but perceived abnormally. Unlike blindness or deafness, sensory information is received by  people with SPD; the difference is that information is processed by the brain in an unusual way that causes distress, discomfort, and confusion.

For those interested in knowing more about auditory processing, Autism College will present a free live Q & A on the topic on Tuesday, July 19, 2011 from 6:00 to 8:00pm  PST with visiting professor Terrie Silverman, MS, and with Chantal Sicile-Kira moderating. You may sign up here.

Sensory processingmaking sense of the world – is what most adults conveyed to me as the most frustrating area they struggled  with as children, and this impacted every aspect of their lives – relationships, communication, self-awareness, safety and so on.  Babies and toddlers learn about the new world around them  by using their senses. At first they put everything in their mouths, they grab your finger with their little fists, then they start using their eyes to look at all those cute baby mobiles hanging over the crib. They learn to recognize the sound of their mother and father’s voices and  other noises.  They start putting meaning to what they are hearing and seeing. The lesser known senses that have to do with balance and body position (vestibular – where are heads and bodies are in relation to the earth’s surface;  and propioceptive -where a certain body part is and how it is moving) are also necessary in order to making meaning of the world around. If  these  are not working properly and are not in synch, they acquire   a distorted view of the world around them and also of themselves.

Most parents and educators are familiar with how auditory and visual processing challenges can effect learning in the classroom. Yet, for many, sensory processing difficulties are a lot more complicated  and far reaching than that. For example, Brian King, Ph.D, a licensed clinical social worker who has Asperger’s, explained that body and spatial awareness are difficult for him because the part of his brain that determines where his body is in space (propioception) does not communicate with his vision. This means that when he walks he has to look at the ground because otherwise he would lose his sense of balance.

Temple Grandin, Ph.D, (Thinking in Pictures, Animals in Translation) is an animal scientist, and successful livestock handling equipment designer. Temple designed and built a deep touch pressure device ‘squeeze machine’ when she was a teenager as she needed the deep pressure to overcome problems of oversensitivity to touch, and helped her cope with feelings of nervousness.

Donna Williams, Ph.D, bestselling author, artist, musician, had extreme  sensory processing challenges as a child and still has some, but to a lesser degree.  Donna talks about feeling a sensation in her stomach area, but not knowing if her bladder is full, or  if it means her stomach hurts because she is hungry.  Other adults mentioned that they share the same challenge especially when experiencing sensory overload in crowded noisy areas.  They shared that they set their  cell phones to ring every two hours, to  prompt them to use the restroom,  in order to  avoid a potentially embarrassing situation.

Many adults on the spectrum find it difficult to  tolerate social situations. Meeting a new person can be overwhelming –  a different voice, a different smell and a different visual stimulus – meaning that difficulties with social relationships are not  due to just  communication, but are about the total sensory processing experience. This could explain why a student can learn effectively or communicate with a familiar teacher or paraprofessional, but not a new one.

Many difficulties shared to varying degrees include:

  • Many  on the spectrum are mono-channel – meaning that they can only process one of their  senses at a time. This means that if they are listening and processing the information through their auditory sense, they cannot ‘see’  or process what they are looking at,  and vice versa.
  • Being overly sensitive to noise is a common feature. A baby or toddler may not respond to voices and other sounds or cover his ears every time there is a sound. Parents or the doctor may think the child is deaf and request hearing assessment. Other challenges include the inability to filter what is being heard so that if a person is speaking to them, they are unable to focus  just on the voice.  They hear all the background noise (ie, the hum of the refrigerator) at the same level as the voice.
  • Lights may be too bright to the point of being painful, especially fluorescent lights.  This effects the  visual processing of  what  they are looking at in that they may not see the whole picture, but pieces – kind of like some of the portraits painted by Picasso. A child may be looking intently at a book cover, but actually only ‘seeing’ the tiny little flower in the grass and not the whole scene of the farmhouse setting.
  • The feel of anything on the skin may be irritating to the point that it feels like sandpaper to some. Clothing and tags and socks and shoes can be unbearable for some; others may be able only to tolerate loose clothing made of really soft cotton. For some, brushing up against another person in the street or school hallways can be excruciating.
  • A heightened sense of smell can be a problem for some. Smelling something unpleasant and strong with no knowledge of what it is or where it is coming from can be very scary.
  • Overactive taste buds or underactive taste buds can create challenges in getting a child to eat. Add to that  the inability to tolerate certain foods because of the sensitivity to texture in their mouths, and you can imagine why many on the spectrum start out as picky eaters.
  • Many children on the spectrum have  challenges  in coordination and motor planning  tasks in one area or another, such as tying their shoes, or playing sports.
  • When there are too many sensory challenges at once, the person can  experience sensory overload, resulting in a behavioral meltdown. For some this may mean running away to escape for others, for others a tantrum, and still other extreme rocking and self- stimulatory behavior.
  • Many see the detail, but have a hard time seeing the whole. First example, they may see the eyes, nose and mouth like a Picasso painting, but not see the whole face.
  • Some may crave spinning and / or rocking,   the vestibular system that has to do with balance.
  • Some adults report that they do not have awareness of where they are in space and need to look constantly at the ground  in front of them to keep their balance even when walking.
  • Adults have described how many of the problems they face such as social relationships to be in large part due to sensory processing.

 

 

Will mouthing objects interfere with my son’s speech development?

This was first published in my “Ask Chantal” column in the Autism File magazine.

Dear Chantal,

My son has been diagnosed with autism since he was 3 years old.  He will be 5 years old in June of this year but he is still mouthing a lot of things.  He loves to put his toys likes legos or blocks and any other items around him in his mouth and will bite them.  My son is non verbal although he is currently talking in baby language and making noises.  I have tried explaining to him using sign and facial expression not to mouth the things around him.  I believe he understands what I am saying as he stops doing it and then after a few seconds he starts to mouth the things again.  I have been giving him the chewy tubes recommended by the occupational therapist and he chews them for awhile and then throws them away and seeks to mouth other things.  He loves to feel the water by rubbing some water or even soap with both the palms of his hands and then runs them through his lips to sense it.  I am so worried as I have tried everything even massaging his checks and using an electric toothbrush.  A speech and language therapist that saw my son said that it is possibly his sensory concerns that is stopping his speech from coming on.  I am so worried as I do not want this stopping my son’s ability from talking and am also concern that this habit will not stop until he grows up.

Your advice and guidance on this matter is greatly appreciated. Thank you very much.

With best regards,

Suha

Dear Suha,

It is a very good sign that your son is talking in baby language and making sounds- these are precursors to true language. Luckily, from what you say your son is only mouthing, and not eating these other objects, which would be far more serious.  In regards to the oral fixation, all babies go through a period where they are mouthing everything to explore their environment, and perhaps he is going through that developmental stage now, as well. However, you are right to be concerned as these  kinds of  oral hyposensitive issues are common with children with autism, and we can’t just hope our children will outgrow them. Mouthing objects shouldn’t interfere, but you do want to work on strengthening and toning the oral area and articulators. Usually as these areas strengthen the mouthing will decrease. It would be a good idea  to talk about this with an Occupational therapist that is experienced with that age group fo children with autism and with sensory integration challenges. Here is a website that may be helpful with some ideas : http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/oral-sensitivities.html.  Also, try to find a parent mentor to ask about similar situations and what has helped, by visiting the TACA website http://www.talkaboutcuringautism.org/index.htm I would continue to offer him safe items to chew on, but I would also suggest that you encourage him to use his baby talk, verbal sounds more and more by trying to get him to  sing with you, and engaging him in ‘conversation,’  ie back and forth verbal exchanges even if just sounds. The more practice he has using his sounds appropriately (in a fun way) and using those mouth muscles,  the more possibility of him using his sounds to speak.  Also, if he is busy trying to sing and speak with you, he can’t be mouthing at the same time.

Chantal

Autism can create stress in couples, what to do?

Parents all over the world feel the stress of having a child with autism. This letter is from a parent in the UK and was first published in The Autism File.

Dear Chantal,

My husband and I are near a divorce, the pressure is immense with our autistic son who is 4 years old. My husband blames me and I blame him, all our arguments I know are from stress, then we drink to numb the pain of helplessness. We need help and I don’t know where to turn to.  I need to talk to someone and I am desperate for my husband to love me again. Autism has simply wrecked our lives, I love my son but I feel I have lost my life and husband now. Please help.

Feeling the Pain

Dear Feeling the Pain,

My heart goes out to you.  You are not alone in your situation, unfortunately many marriages become very stressed when trying to deal with having a child with autism. It sounds as if you and your husband need some time away together from your child, time to enjoy each other’s company, to rediscover what you enjoyed about each other before autism entered your life.  Try to find someone to watch your son on a regular basis (ie once or twice a week) so you and your husband can leave the home and have a date. Individual counseling for you to have someone to speak to, and couples counseling may help you learn how to deal with the new family dynamics. Finding the right therapist is important. Perhaps contacting your local autism society chapter and finding out if there are any recommendations from other parents. Finally, joining an autism  support group could help you feel you are not so alone and you may find other moms you enjoy connecting with. As well, there are many on-line social communities available to connect with to share information and vent. There are more and more dad support groups as well.  My best wishes in re-connecting with your husband, and finding the support you need.

Chantal

My son with autism quotes TV dialogue, what do I do?

For a while, I wrote an “Ask Chantal” column for The Autism File magazine

  So many people enjoyed reading the column that I have taken the liberty of reproducing some of the more popular letters I received and the corresponding advice I gave

If it doesn’t help you, maybe you know someone it can help

Dear Chantal,

My son mumbles and talks to himself all the time

He seems to go into his own world, I cannot get him out

He seems to be quoting parts of films or things he sees on the computer/game boy

Do you have any suggestions how I can direct the speech to a conversation with me? He obviously is verbal but I can’t interact with him

Perplexed

Dear Perplexed,

You don’t mention how old your son is, but the fact that he is quoting dialogue from films or video games is a good sign in terms of his verbal abilities

He may be repeating them because he likes the sound, or he is understanding those words and phrases form listening to them over and over

  Pay attention to whether or not he is repeating bits of dialogue at appropriate times, which would show that he is understanding the meaning or intent

For example, my son used to repeat certain lines form Sesame Street that had to do with eating  cookies when that is what he wanted to eat

When he slips on the stairs, he says “Whoops! Sorry!” in the same voice  he has heard in a favorite video

This is a good sign

  I would suggest you  get him interested in communicating with you by getting to know the movies and games he is quoting from,  and then dialogue and connect with him by repeating them as well

He will be more interested in you if you take an interest in what he is into

You can repeat the bits of dialogue at appropriate moments

Then, use the characters from the movies and write social stories about what they would do in certain real life situations, getting him to help more and more, gradually getting him into talking about the here and now and not so much the pretend world

  Using his interest to connect with him and to teach him how to connect with others is an important first step

Chantal