On an earlier post, I discussed why it is hard for children and teens to make friends. Relationships are important, but difficult for many on the spectrum. With help they can learn some social skills that will allow a connection with others to be made on which to form a friendship. Here are some autism parenting tips on how to help them in this area:
For more information and autism parenting tips on teens and relationships, read my book Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum, or sign up for my course on Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum.
From the neurotypical person’s point of view, it seems as if children, teens and adults on the autism spectrum are not interested in having friends. They do not show the same type of social cues or social behaviors and body language that indicates to others that they want to have a relationship. The adults I have interviewed make it clear they enjoy having relationships, including those who are mostly non-verbal such as Sue Rubin (“Autism is a World”). My son Jeremy often communicates about wanting to have friends. However, understanding the concept of different types of relationships and knowing the appropriate behaviors and conversations expected from the neurotypical viewpoint, does not come naturally, and can be magnified for those who are non-verbal.
Ways in which it is difficult for them to make friends:
In my next post I will discuss tips on how you can help your child learn skills that will help him / her have meaningful friendships.
For more information and autism parenting tips on teens and relationships, read my book Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum, or sign up for my course on Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum.
As described in a earlier post, your child has the right to a free and appropriate education under The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) and you must learn to advocate for your child. Following are some tips in regards to ensuring that your child gets the educational help he or she needs:
Remember, an informed parent is the best advocate for your child! Read more in my book, Autism Spectrum Disorders. Tips on how to communicate and negotiate more effectively with your school will be given in the course Empowerment Strategies for the ASD Parent.
A good education is important to helping a child to develop and learn. In the United States we are very fortunate to have The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). If your child has an autism spectrum disorder and needs special education, you will need to become familiar with the rights your child has under (IDEA).
Since 1975, IDEA requires that all individuals have access to a ‘free and appropriate education (FAPE).’ IDEA is a federal act, and each state may not take away the special education rights provided under IDEA, but may provide more.
Basically, every child under the age of three and at risk of developing a substantial disability if early interventions are not provided is eligible for early intervention. The names of the different programs my vary by state, but you can check with your state’s Department of Health, Department of Developmental Disability, or Department of Education about early intervention. If you need help finding help or information in your area, look at the website of the Federal Interagency Coordinating Council (www.fed-icc.org).
In the educational system, if a student is eligible, an Individualized Education Program (IEP) is developed that sets out the ways the child will be helped with his areas of difficulties, and goals and objectives are developed. The IEP is developed by an IEP team at IEP’s that take place at least annually.
An IEP team consists of the parents, the child’s teacher, a general education teacher, a special education administrator, any professionals providing services such as occupational therapy, speech and language therapy, and adapted physical education.
Sometimes, some members of the IEP team and / or the parents may not be in agreement as to how a child’s educational needs should be met, and what constitutes a ‘free and appropriate education’ for your child. As a parent, it is important to get to know how your child learns. Remember that you are the expert on your child. Also, it is important to keep abreast of the educational methods that are out there that may help your child.
If you are in disagreement with the rest of the IEP team, there are appropriate ways for you to express your disagreement. The first step is to try and have good and open communication with your child’s teacher and other professionals involved in helping your child with his difficulties. The second is to make sure you know your child’s rights under IDEA. As a parent you will need to become an advocate for your child.
As laws and regulations change, parents and educators can stay informed by checking the US Department of Education (www.ed.gov) and your state department of education.
Most, if not all, states have an agency that helps people with disabilities and tells you your rights in plain language, and provides information in different languages. To find out how your state interprets IDEA, These are usually called Protection and Advocacy offices. Often these agencies have decoded the complicated IDEA and made it available on-line in easy to understand layman terms so that parents can understand the rights their children have in terms of education.
In my next post, I’ll cover some autism parenting tips to ensure your child is getting the education he or she needs. You can also read more in my book, Autism Spectrum Disorders. Tips on how to communicate and negotiate more effectively with your school will be given in the course Empowerment Strategies for the ASD Parent on Thursdays May 5,12,19,26, from 6:00 – 8:00 PM PST.
Most children with autism have a terrible time with change. They like things to stay the same, as they are used to the familiarity of routine. If there are no new things, they don’t have to anticipate for any ‘attacks’ to their senses; they can anticipate what is coming next. Many like things to be the same and will spend time lining up their toys or objects. Some parents have reported that when they have moved the furniture around, the child will move it back to where it used to be.
Now, imagine that you are the type of person who cannot stand change, that you are afraid of it. And then you notice something really freaky – your body is changing on you and you have no control over it. It is even worse if no one has told you what was going to happen. Boys start noticing the hair on their legs growing in tougher and longer, and hair sprouting in places there wasn’t any before. Then, they notice their Adam’s Apple has grown and become more prominent, and their voice is starting to change and is cracking at times. Not only that, but something weird is happening ‘down there’ – their penis gets hard and sometimes there is a liquid leaking out. How weird is that??!!
For girls, it is much the same – think of all the ways a girl’s body changes, and imagine how frightful that could be if you don’t like change. Especially when the girl begins to menstruate, if no one has explained to her in a way she can understand what that is all about, then she will have a difficult time going through this change towards womanhood.
Some tips:
The point is, body changes are scary for those who do not like change, but by telling them and showing them the changes that will happen can make it much easier for them. For more autism parenting tips when it comes to teens, you may wish to sign up for our course, Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum. Also, you can read Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum, or 41 Things to Know About Autism.
Parents new to the world of autism usually have a tough time after getting the diagnosis. Parents learning to cope with the diagnosis of autism may find the following tips helpful:
At Autism College, we can help you as we help other parents coping with autism. Our Parent Empowerment Course can help you with some information such as how to know what will help your child, and the affects of autism on siblings and grandparents. Our free Library will have information you can use (coming soon!). Two of my books would be really helpful to you at this time: Autism Spectrum Disorders, and 41 Things to Know About Autism.
Recently I received an email from a mother whose child had just been diagnosed with autism. She was in pain, and she wanted to know how she was supposed to carry on; she felt all alone.
What I told her was that there are moments in time that are forever etched in your memory- for example – I will never forget the moment I heard President John F. Kennedy had been assassinated. Most Americans will never forget what they were doing on September 11, 2001 when they heard that the Twin Towers in NYC were hit by planes and were going down.
For a parent, the day you receive your child’s diagnosis of autism is the same – you will never forget where you were, how you were told and what feelings overcame you. The difference is, that you feel all alone in your pain – it is not a national catastrophe, but a personal one that impacts you just as deeply. When you leave the doctor’s office, you are all alone in your pain. Unlike a national catastrophe, everyone else’s life continues on just the same – only you, your spouse’s and your family’s life has changed. Even if you expected the results because you felt something was wrong with your child, nothing prepares you for hearing the official diagnosis, and for the slew of emotions that follow. It is awful.
However, it is important to remember at this time, that you are not alone. There are many parents out there who went through what you are going through, or are going through it now, and connecting to them can be your lifeline. They will understand what those close to you may not. You will get autism parenting tips from them. At first you may be reluctant to contact the autism organizations or attend support group meetings – it is kind of like joining a club you never wanted to be a member of. However, getting to know other parents you can talk to who understand what you are going through is very helpful.
Of course, you would rather have heard that nothing was wrong with your child. A parent goes through many emotions at this time. It is important to focus on the positive aspect that now that you know what is wrong, you can move forward, when you are ready, to find the treatments, therapies and strategies that will help your child.
Once you are ready, you will need to get educated about autism. We can help you do that at Autism College. Our free Library will have information you can use. You may find our Parent Empowerment Course useful. Or, how about my books, Autism Spectrum Disorders, and 41 Things to Know About Autism.
In my next post, I’ll provide some useful tips for parents new to autism wanting to know how to cope.