Attitude is Key

July 25, 2018

Rebecca and Jeremy Sicile-Kira, high school graduation, June 2010

 

“Tell him every day that you love him, and that you know he is smart.”

This is what Jeremy, my then 21-year-old son, responded to a mother asking for his advice. She wrote to Jeremy, telling him she had a non-verbal 12-year-old, and she was worried about what he was thinking and how he was feeling. She wanted to know what she could do for him until he was able to communicate his thoughts.

Reading Jeremy’s response brought back memories. Every night for many years, while tucking Jeremy into bed, I would tell him those two important facts.  I never realized the positive impact repeating those words to him every night would have on his self-esteem. I just told him how I felt, just as I would tell his sister, Rebecca.

Jeremy is now 29, and communicates mainly by typing or points to letters on a letter board.  Despite his challenges, Jeremy graduated 8 years ago from high school with a full academic diploma (watch his  commencement speech). Jeremy’s success is no miracle; rather it is a story of hard work and commitment on the part of many people. The one who has worked the hardest is Jeremy. My goal for him was to reach his potential – whatever that was – and to be able to communicate with those around him.  Since graduation, Jeremy has co-authored the book  A Full Life with Autism (Macmillan) and is a gifted artist.

When Jeremy was little, we lived in France and in the UK. We had no early intervention; we had very little help or encouragement from the powers that be. Basically, I was on my own and I had to figure out how to help him. At first I just read to Jeremy and showed him pictures and tried whatever I could to reach him; then I tried different methods I heard about that made sense for him. But I always presumed competence and spoke to him as if he understood everything. I was convinced he did.

For the past 15 years  Jeremy has been able to  type and communicate about his life and what he experienced as a child, what  autism felt like to him, and in what ways the different therapies helped (or didn’t).   I have found out more about what was really helpful to him. Some of his comments are very specific, others are general such as this:

My mom saved me from a life of despair. Her attitude is the key to my success. She made me feel like I could be a success no matter my challenges. Basically, if it was not for my nice mom and great teachers, my life would not be worth living. They believed in me and that has made the biggest impact—more than the type of teaching methods used.

As parents and educators, we spend a lot of time talking about educational methods, but not much about attitude. Yet, when I interviewed people on different parts of the spectrum for my third book, Autism Life Skills, they, like Jeremy, often discussed the importance of their parents’ attitude to their success. Daniel Tammet, author of Born on a Blue Day, has this to say about his parents:

In spite of all my many problems, they loved me unconditionally and devoted themselves to helping me – little by little, day by day. They are my heroes.

The message is clear. Yes, we need the right educational environment for our children. And unfortunately, many children on the spectrum do not get much positive feedback at school or in the community on a regular basis. But if you are a parent, take heart in knowing that your child’s self-esteem benefits greatly from your loving and positive attitude. Knowing his parents are there for him, that they believe in him and in his ability to learn, can make a world of difference to a child’s state of mind.

Need Information re Teens with Autism? Autism College course beginning Tuesday August 28

August 14, 2012

Are you a parent (or educator) of a pre-teen or teen? Do you wonder about how and when to explain puberty to your growing child? Are you at a loss about what to explain about the birds and the bees? Are you wondering what an ITP is and how to best prepare your child or student for adult life? Then the course Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum is for you.

Based on the award-winning book, more recent information, and Chantal Sicile-Kira’s popular national presentations, this interactive course will be taught on-line to a small group on Tuesday August 28, Wednesday August 29, Thursday August 30; from 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm PST (9:00-11:00 EST) for a fee. To sign up, go here.  Instructions will be sent to you within 24 hours of sign up.

The cost for the  6 hour- course over three days is  $99.00 and provides:

  • 6 hours of training
  • PowerPoints provided before the webinars to help with note taking.
  • The basics on what you need to know when your child or student (of different ability levels) is a pre-teen or teenager
  • Resources for more information on various topics
  • Opportunity for the participants to write in or call in their questions to Chantal.
  • BONUS: Written transcript booklet from the original live course  provided in March will be provided to those who sign up (a $39.00 value – see description in the Autism College store)
  • BONUS: Opportunity to watch replay of webinar at a later date (convenient if you miss a session).

Topics to be covered during the 6 hours include:

Adolescence 101: The Teen Basics :Everything you need to know (but don’t know who to ask)

  • 13 things every parent or educator needs to know
  • The general challenges faced by ASD teenagers
  • Sensory processing challenges in adolescence
  • Functional strategies to help with daily transitions
  • Family and sibling concerns
  • Teaching about puberty
  • Hygiene and self-care
  • Masturbation

Adolescence 102: Relationships: It’s Complicated

  • The notion of privacy and consent
  • Relationship boundaries
  • Sexuality
  • Self awareness
  • Self- regulation
  • Bullying
  • Interdependence

Adolescence 103: The Transition Years: Plan, Prepare, Practice for the Real World of Adult Life

  • Preparing the transition to High school
  • The ITP- Individual Transition Program and IEPs
  • Teaching life skills needed for work and / or college: self-esteem, self-advocacy, executive functioning, self-reliance
  • Building on strengths
  • The use of mentors

Sign up now to reserve your spot! Questions? Send us an email!

Free Q & A on Back to School Tips with Dr. Peter Faustino, moderated by Chantal Sicile-Kira

August 9, 2011

By the end of the summer, most of us parents are happy to see summer end knowing our ASD children will have routine and a schedule back in their lives (and so will we).  But  we dread the stress related to the start of a new school year.  There are ways to lessen the stress and help prepare both your child and the teacher for a new and hopefully successful new school year.

Autism College hopes to help this year by offering you a two hour free Q & A with Visiting Professor, Dr. Peter Faustino, school psychologist, moderated by Chantal Sicile-Kira. Both Dr. Faustino and Chantal have written on the topic and are looking forward to answering your questions and giving you tips to prepare your child, yourself, and the teacher for the start of a successful new school year! Whether your child is fully included or in a special day class there are ways to prepare and alleviate some of the stress of the transition from summer to school, especially when there are teachers new to your child or teenager.

Join Dr. Faustino and Chantal on Monday, August 22, 2011 from 6:00 to 8:00pm PST on the topic : Tips for Reducing the  Back to School Stress for Children with Autism, Parents and Educators.

Dr. Peter Faustino has been working as a school psychologist for more than 12 years.  He is currently the President of the New York Association of School Psychologists (NYASP).  NYASP – the state affiliate of NASP (www.naspweb.org) – serves children, their families, and the school community by promoting psychological well-being, excellence in education, and sensitivity to diversity through best practices in school psychology.  Dr. Faustino joined the Bedford Central School District in 2003 to work at the Fox Lane Middle School. Dr. Faustino also maintains a private practice with the Developmental Assessment and Intervention Center (DAIC) in Bedford Hills, NY.  He presents frequently at national conferences, schools, and parent organizations.

To sign up for the webinar, please signup for our newsletter here. Already signed up for the newsletter? Click here.

Back to School 101: Tips for General Education Teachers About Students with Asperger’s Syndrome

August 9, 2011

This was first published as a  blog post on my  Psychology Today blog on September 9, 2010, but the information is still still relevant today.

Often junior high and high school teachers have teenagers with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) included in their classrooms, and are not given much in the way of useful information. Here I hope to provide a few practical tips that may be helpful to educators with no practical knowledge about students on the spectrum.

Parents, you may wish to print this out to give to your child’s teacher, or send them the link. There are only a few tips here, but usually teachers are receptive so practical information that may help them to understand and reach their student.

Asperger’s or High Functioning Autism (HFA) is often described as an ‘invisible disability’ because students on the spectrum do not look different frorm most students. Most teachers expect them to act like everyone else, but often the student gets in trouble for behaving in a way that seems rude, disruptive or non-compliant. A diagnosis of Asperger’s or HFA is based on challenges in the areas of communication, and social relationships, as well as what appears to be an obsession or passion for a particular area of interest.

Here are some tips that may help the school year go a little easier for you and your student on the spectrum:

* It’s a good idea to have a hard copy of the homework assignment to hand to your students on the spectrum, because most of them are mono-channel, meaning they have only one other processing channels (auditory or visual) working effectively at one time. This means they cannot look at the assignment on the board, write it down and still be able to focus on what you are saying. By the time they have finished copying down the assignment, they have missed your intro to that day’s lesson. This mono-channel aspect makes it hard for a student to multi-task, and by only requiring him/her to do one thing at a time, it will be much easier for the student to be focused on the day’s lesson.

* The student with Asperger’s or HFA usually takes things literally – this is part of the communication challenge. For example, if you address the class by saying “Please turn to page 12,” expecting the students to start doing the work on that page, the Aspie student may turn to page 12, and then just sit there, awaiting further instruction. Meanwhile, you may think he is being a smart-aleck, but I assure you, he is not. You need to say “Please turn to page 12 and write the answers to question 1-5 in your notebook.”

* This taking things literally means that also the student may not understand all the nuances of language or social customs, what we call ‘hidden curriculum.’ Think of what it is like as a foreigner in a new land and how they need to be explained the local customs- that is what it is like for a person on the spectrum.

* Students on the spectrum are often described as being obsessed with a particular topic or subject, for example, space travel, buildings, certain types of music, transportation. Actually, being passionate about a topic shows an interest in learning. If you know what your student is passionate about, you can relate your lessons or subject in some way to his area of interest and your student will excel.

* Many students on the spectrum are overly sensitive to noise and crowds, making transition times between classrooms difficult. By allowing the student to arrive or leave a few minutes early or late, you will make it much easier for that student to arrive to class less stressed, and ready to focus on the lesson.

Students with Asperger’s Syndrome or HFA are usually very bright and eager to learn. Hopefully these tips will help the year be a more productive one for you and your student.

Tips on getting your child with autism the right education

April 12, 2011

As described in a earlier post,  your child has the right to a free and appropriate education under The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act  (IDEA) and you must learn to advocate for your child.  Following are some tips in regards to ensuring that your child gets the educational help he or she needs:

  • Know what your child’s educational needs are.
  • Learn about the educational strategies that work the best for students that resemble yours on the autism spectrum.
  • Learn what you can about your local school district. School districts vary depending upon the administrators in charge and how they are funded. What do parents and professionals  in your area have to say about the different  districts?
  • In some geographical areas there are knowledgeable educational consultants who can help. Try to find one experienced  with the level of autism your child has by asking knowledgeable parents in your area if they have used one.
  • Get to know the different school options in your area. What  do parents and professionals  have to say about the different classes and school sites?
  • Learn about IDEA and “No Child Left Behind” and what the parent’s duties as well as what the school’s duties are in terms of the education of children.
  • Visit different types of classrooms and different school before making a decision regarding your child’s educational program.
  • Develop and maintain good relationships with school staff, educators and other professionals there to help your child, as well as in the community.
  • Keep good records of any phone calls, meetings, conversations about your child.
  • Keep good records of all assessments and IEP’s.
  • Do not be afraid to ask questions, and do not feel intimidated by the professionals. Remember you are the expert on your child.
  • Monitor your child’s progress and educational program.
  • Keep focused on your goal – a free and appropriate education for your child.

Remember, an informed parent is the best advocate for your child! Read more in my book, Autism Spectrum Disorders. Tips on how to communicate and negotiate more effectively with your school will be given in the course Empowerment Strategies for the ASD Parent.

One small step towards self-regulation

February 6, 2010

How to teach your teen with autism to request a break

Self –regulation is a needed life skill not practiced by most teenagers. Often teens on the spectrum need sensory breaks to help them self-regulate, yet some are unable to communicate the need for one. If you are a parent or an educator, you may want to consider teaching the teen to request a break using a “ I need a break” card. This may be helpful in preventing meltdowns or compliance issues. Teenagers need to be given more control over their time and need to be able to request necessary breaks  in an appropriate manner.

Let’s say you have a student that you work one-on-one with for a one hour slot of time. Every time you sit down to work with him, after about 20 minutes he gets up and leaves the worktable and there is no holding him back. What you need to do is teach him to communicate to you when he needs a break, and allow him to have those needed breaks within reason. Here is one way to do that: Continue reading »